On Routine Culture
Why My Relationships Fail, Stop Snacking!, and Recipes Galore...
Unless you live under a rock (which doesn’t sound so bad in today’s society) my Instagram algorithm started feeding me videos of a Miami-based content creator who looked to be living a lavish lifestyle.
He was in fantastic shape, drove several supercars, and occasionally rubbed the inside of a banana peel on his face (I assume this is good for the skin, I prefer under-eye cream and tea tree oil). I thought he was a former professional athlete easing into retirement in the style of a South Florida crypto millionaire or megaclub DJ, but I was wrong.
Our creator, Ashton Hall, who has more than 9 million followers, is, uh, a coach. Who coaches coaches? A thoroughly 2025 occupation. The female equivalent? The gut-microbiome coach who cross-markets IBS fears with “gut-healthy” food products. Hall wants us to believe his lavish lifestyle is paid for by getting on Zoom with amateur personal trainers and giving them his playbook. Needless to say, I was immediately hooked.
Hall's morning routine videos have gone mega-viral and spawned several copycats (some mocking, some in earnest). Not unlike actor Mark “Stay Prayed Up” Wahlberg, Hall hops out of bed at 3:55 a.m. to remove his nose strip and mouth tape (duh) and then proceeds to brush his teeth, groom his goatee, do push-ups on a balcony, read the Bible, journal, meditate, watch a sermon, dip his face in a giant bowl of ice filled with Saratoga bottled water (his brand loyalty is admirable), pack his Goyard duffel with ASRV workout gear, hit the steam room, and drive his brown Mercedes G-Wagon to an unidentified parking lot to do sprints with a chest rig (while his staff films him from the G-Wagon, which serves as a pace car.)
Quick Tangent: I was at Total Wine today and the top-seller, yes amidst your CasaMigos, shitty flavored peanut butter whiskeys of the world, was this Saratoga water. Hoisted on a pedestal, and sold the fuck out. Power of branding.
Then it’s back to the crib, where Hall showers, rubs the aforementioned banana peel on his face, eats a hearty and healthy breakfast—prepared by the Hall content universe’s most mysterious side character, the assistant (or butler, or domestic partner) who exists in these videos only as a pair of disembodied helping hands—and dip his face in a giant bowl of ice filled with Saratoga water again, before putting on an ill-fitting suit and hopping on Zoom to tell somebody that “we gotta go ahead and get at least 10,000.” This all happens before 10 a.m.
Hustle and self-improvement culture has hit a tipping point, and Hall may be the face of it. Most of us aren’t trying to live a lifestyle so devoid of fun, excitement, and joy, but the proliferation of this approach to life has made some of us feel guilty about not doing enough. I am not saying that we should all be out drinking and doing cocaine without a care in the world, but what happened to balance? Hall’s approach is aspirational because of his perceived wealth, physique, and follower count, but there are other and more enjoyable ways to get in shape and make money.
The problem with this sort of content is we never see a peek behind the curtain. How is this guy really making money? Why does he have a twerp parading as an armed guard while he exercises? Is the Miami condo rented, borrowed, or owned? Is he underwater on the cars? I am not pocket-checking, but these are all the questions I ask myself. Because I love to exercise, my algorithm is flooded with lesser versions of Hall—suburban dads drinking electrolyte powders and eating chicken and broccoli—and it’s become, well, fucking depressing.
These guys don’t seem happy or fulfilled; they just seem busy and fit. I will continue to hit the gym every day, eat healthy, and try to take care of myself, but life is meant to be enjoyed, not optimized. Striving to better yourself is a noble cause. When people ask me what I live for—in simple terms, I state "growth". Being a better human, friend, worker, and athlete than I was yesterday. Most people are not pleased with their current state of life. Whether that means— their weight, looks, productivity, salary, etc...
That is what drives people to these maniacal morning routines—glorifying waking up extra early, having a monk-like mentality in tackling daunting tasks like working out, journaling, and portraying a "locked in" image that is unattainable but romanticized.
Hold Up Though…
I don't have a morning routine and prefer waking up at 10 than 4 a.m., but I too have a routine that could raise eyebrows. Maybe if I get a videographer, walk around shirtless all day, and up my dose of test, I could amass a following like Mr. Hall.
After work, I generally go to the sauna, do yoga and pushups in there for an hour, cold shower, go to the gym, work out, and do cardio until 11, which is then followed by a walking meditation.
This brings me peace and is the time when some of my best creative ideas come to mind. Does it follow the "everything in moderation" motto that mothers preach to their children? No. If you're close to me you will know that this last week I started a new endeavor that has shocked my system. I won't divulge, but it has severely hampered my free time with my creative pursuits and time to unwind. I could take away from my post-work self-care/fitness regimen but I chose not to.
This past Thursday, while on the Stairmaster I came across the trailer for the new A24 movie, Materialists. Far from a movie buff, let alone a romantic movie connoisseur, this trailer caught my eye— namely with the quote that Dakota Johnson says to Pedro Pascal at the end of it, "Why do people get into relationships? Because they're lonely."
Not to sound like a wuss, but this week I felt this notion, and I kept repenting back to a quote that one of the girls I most recently dated kept saying to me: "You never prioritize me, always wanna hang out after 11:30, and there's nothing I can add to your life that you don't already have or do." My House is spotless, can cook for myself, have a social circle, and make a decent salary. Check.
Adding someone to my life with my routines? Not in the plan at this time of my life. That could change, I don't speak in absolutes, but having my own freedoms and being able to stick to my routine gives me more joy than having to appease/deal with someone else atop all of the other stressors in my life.
So I guess you can say I am married to my routine, much like Mr. Hall, the Wahlbergs, and the Goggins' of the world. You can only choose to put your eggs in a limited number of baskets, and while it's easy to scoff and ridicule routine culture, we all have "shifts" we go through in a day that brings us peace.
This post is self-incriminating, but if you got this far and are into me, we can talk about it. I started this year off with a foolish saying, “I got a full 3-on-3 Olympic roster of hoes,” now through peeling the onion, and witnessing nuances of me and the other, I have concluded that when you have heauxs, you will end up with none.
And that’s perfectly fine. Because I, like Mr. Hall (who states he does not date and is saving himself for marriage *BS*), and all these social media darlings who have perfected their daily routine to a T— all share a commonality that was highlighted in Jason Thompson and Ezra Klein’s new book Abundance (free on Spotify FYI):
“They are all single, with limited time and vulnerability”
I disagree with the latter.
I have incriminated myself enough, yet there is a different type of solace you receive after a hard day’s work, checking off dopamine-energic activities that boost your natural “aura”, or so the kids call it,—instead of playing “Jumbo the Clown” for a girl you halfway like for four hours amidst a mezcal, wine haze.
It is what it is.
3 For the Road:
1. Winston Churchill Invented Routine Culture:
Adhering to a dogmatic routine is not just a modern assimilation—one of the forefathers of routine culture was Winston Churchill, whose daily routine is as follows:
7.30 — Wake up, remain in bed, eat breakfast, read newspapers, work, glass of whiskey and soda.
11:00 — Out of bed, stroll around garden supervising estate, whiskey and soda.
13:00 — Multi-course lunch, imperial pint of Champagne.
15:30 — Work from study, glass of cognac.
17:00 — Hour and a half nap/siesta, a habit acquired during his time in Cuba.
18:30 — Wake up, bath, dress for dinner.
20:00 — Lengthly dinner with guests, imperial pint of Champagne.
00:00 — Work in study, more cognac.
01:00–03:00 — Bedtime.
Interesting. Are you contemplating having one glass of wine, and NBA players are out for seasons while players in the 80’s would smoke cigs and drink beers mid-game? Maybe it’s just a placebo.
2. Silly Rabbit, Snacks are for Kids:
Moving through this fast-paced world, it's a skill to be aware and cognisant of the world around you. I like to see myself as someone who is hyper-aware—picking up trends, body language, and just generally being mindful (or trying to be) in situations and spaces.
The more I go out to eat, hit the nightlife scene, or witness others in a shared workplace I inhabit daily, I see that most people graze throughout the day. Snacks have their appeal.
I personally think snacking is reserved for children, as a means to ease their monkey minds throughout the day, giving them an asphyxiation similar to sucking your thumb in the sensorimotor stage of childhood. Nonetheless, the appeal is valid. The same reason people love to snack is the same reason people love tasting menus—you get a barrage of different flavors, sweet/savory elements, and textural contrasts through snacking throughout the day without the physical toll of a meal.
While I may not be one to frequent the snack bin at work, my preferred version of snacking is through dips and popcorn.
Dips are the perfect compliment to vegetables, can dress plain-jane hardboiled eggs, and can be eaten alone. Anything and everything can be turned into a dip—from beef liver, ground chicken, sweet potatoes, celery root, beets, or virtually any food item that can be ground, pureed, or mashed in smithereens.
Lately, I have been on three dips: toum (Toum is a popular Lebanese garlic sauce, also known as "garlic whip," that is made primarily with garlic, oil, lemon juice, and salt), whipped ricotta, and a buffalo sweet potato chicken dip.
Toum:
1 cup garlic cloves (4 1/2 ounces; 130 g
2 teaspoons za'atar salt (for table salt, use 1 teaspoon)
1/4 cup (60 g) fresh lemon juice from about 2 lemons, divided
1/4 cup (60 g) ice water, divided
3 cups (600 g) neutral oil—I use avocado oil, divided
Food Processor Method:
Place the de-germed garlic and kosher salt in the bowl of a food processor. Pulse garlic in short bursts until finely minced, occasionally removing the lid to scrape down the sides of the bowl with a flexible rubber spatula. Add 1 tablespoon lemon juice and continue processing until a paste begins to form. Add another tablespoon of lemon juice and process until completely smooth and slightly fluffy.
With the food processor running, slowly drizzle in 1/2 cup oil in a very thin stream, followed by 1 tablespoon lemon juice. Repeat with another 1/2 cup oil and the remaining 1 tablespoon of lemon juice. Continue the process, alternating 1/2 cup oil and 1 tablespoon water until all the oil and water have been incorporated. Transfer the toum to a container and store in the fridge for up to 1 month.
Whipped Ricotta:
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This is so simple that I do not even need to write it out in recipe form. Add a tub of ricotta to a blender, add a few tablespoons of water, dashes of salt, and a couple of tablespoons of olive oil, and customize your dip however you want. I have used Acacia honey, protein powder, fennel pollen, rhubarb, gochujang, chili crisp, etc… Think of the ricotta as a creamy easel that is ready for painting—flavors absorb easily.
Buffalo Sweet Potato Chicken Dip:
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Look up Basic Becky in the dictionary and you get this.
This is another remarkably easy recipe: one packet of cream cheese/farmers cheese (more protein, less fat), one cup of shredded chicken/ground chicken, one pound of orange yams boiled with skin on, four tbsps Primal Kitchen Buffalo mayo, cayenne, paprika, garlic powder, onion powder, and black pepper. You can use water sparingly to get the texture you prefer, but I like using goat kefir due to its viscous texture that adds fluff to the dip.
Popcorn:
Popcorn, IMO, is the ideal snack. The smell itself is iconic and distinct. Buttery and sweet, whenever I smell popcorn, I am immediately transported to the movie theater. Popcorn is healthy, versatile, affordable, and easy to make on your stovetop, although, truth be told, microwave popcorn is one of my all-time favorite things.
The cool thing about popcorn—and making it yourself—is that you can add a plethora of seasonings to it. I love to add pre-made seasoning blends to my popcorn, probably because I don’t typically use seasoning mixes in cooking. For homemade, movie theater-style popcorn, I prefer classic butter and salt. Adding a touch of turmeric to the ghee helps to color the butter slightly, really giving you that “authentic” movie theater vibe.
Sprouts, Erewhon, Whole Foods, and every other “healthy-marketed” (hell, even Smith’s, Walmart, and Target) have a variety of snacks that are not laden with seed oils, added sugar, and processed flours. I am not gonna act like an elitist and say that these traditional “snacks” are not a part of my diet, but instead of mindless grazing, I like using them as salad toppers. Crunch is an underrated element in elevating salads, along with tang and a sweet element.
Loneliness can still exist within a marriage if there’s no emotional connection.❤️👌👍